This week I celebrated my 3rd anniversary of membership with CoDA or Codependents Anonymous – a 12 step programme for those who strive to have healthy relationships and are grappling with co-addictions and addictions in their relationships. Happy anniversary Lou Lou.

Last night I was invited to share at CoDA Durban on Step Four. 

My regular audience will remember that I had a hysterectomy about 18 months ago. At the time I took a break from my step work. And there it stayed. It’s ironic that my Achilles heel is Step Four.

The step reads:

Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

Now that’s all very well if you are living a moral life, but 18 months ago I wasn’t and I can’t say that I am now. I know that there are wives who would be very unhappy with me as per my previous post:   I don’t think I or the husbands involved what to make amends. Who wants to deal with a neurotic and jealous wife?

I have a moral compass as a Noahist and I believe in the institution of marriage and that it should be protected. I've had many husbands, but none of them have been mine. 

I’m in luck...

Claude’s wife is not terribly boundaried and answers his phone or looks at it when he gets a call. She got suspicious when she saw me phone three times over a period of a few months. He said we need to end it. We haven’t had nookie since above-mentioned operation and (and here I quote) ”I also find it hard to keep a wife and 2 girlfriends in my heart/emotional space”. Yep, Claude has had me on the shagroll for 5 years as well as another girlfriend and it’s all a bit much. All South African's together now: "Ag, Shame!"

Enter Mark whose wife does respect his phone space and he will just bump me if I call and wifey is around. He announced after 4 years that for his new year's resolutions he would be keeping his dick in his pants this year. We are still close. 

That leaves me one lover, I'm still in whose wife would probably be okay with me sleeping with her husband: John. He should have just married me 25 years ago. 

I think I can continue with Step Four…